"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -- Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion."
"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."
"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."
"If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary."
"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."
"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."
"Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody."
"All generalizations are false, including this one."
"The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'"