"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -- Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

"Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion."

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

"Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest."

"If it is a Miracle, any sort of evidence will answer, but if it is a Fact, proof is necessary."

"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech."

"Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company."

"Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody."

"All generalizations are false, including this one."